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Because I Can... by ~hakucho:iconhakucho:

Categories Scraps


I let my marbles sink.

Bleak, they drowned far

into a pit, hollow'd

through noise in technicolour.


Yes, I let them sink:

They are gone.

No pale glimmer dares

blink back, to the head -

rolled over in feet

of plastic.


Each toe is playing, still

curbed to a clack

that cannot see, but

- here.


I left them to sink

down alone, mid

the dolls.

They flow deaf, for the eyes:

a pink washed out

by rhythms in grey...


the optic vow sets.

"To leer, is human."
"To gape? Divine."

And thus, they continued

to sink.
©2007-2010 ~hakucho
:iconhakucho:

Author's Comments

Taking a gamble here...hope it's better, now.


Thanks to everyone who saw the original rough draft and gave me their advice and thoughts on it. :heart:


Constructive criticism and comments are WELCOME!

Comments


love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconhakucho:
~hakucho Mar 26, 2007, 4:57:06 PM
What gives you that impression? :3

--
~Usagi-Yojimbo-club
:icontazozo:
~tazozo Mar 26, 2007, 6:17:32 PM
Kind of depressing. It sounds almost like youthful optimism is being relinquished in favour of stark reality.
:iconhakucho:
~hakucho Mar 26, 2007, 6:28:54 PM
Like the toys will never be brought back, on purpose?

--
~Usagi-Yojimbo-club
:icontazozo:
~tazozo Mar 26, 2007, 6:35:09 PM
It's as though one feels the need to cast these things out in order to forge ahead in life. And it's more than just toys: "hollow'd, through noise in technicolour" brings to mind dreams and imagination. At least that's how I interpreted it.
:iconhakucho:
~hakucho Mar 26, 2007, 6:38:00 PM
Hee, you've brought up an interesting idea there.

You should have seen the original draft - 'rhythmic of grey', and 'pinck'. Pretty much disjointed...

--
~Usagi-Yojimbo-club
:icontazozo:
~tazozo Mar 26, 2007, 6:40:50 PM
Eh, I've come to expect that of poetry (both the disjointed-ness and reading the messages all wrong.) X)
:iconhakucho:
~hakucho Mar 26, 2007, 6:47:11 PM
Poems aren't generally read wrong, unless the reading itself is unfounded by context (including that of what the writer was influenced by or not).

Once, someone read a poem of mine and thought I was writing about some tv character I'd never heard of XP

--
~Usagi-Yojimbo-club
:iconmidorichilde:
~midorichilde Mar 26, 2007, 6:47:55 PM
Hmmm ... perhaps it is just me, but it doesn't rhyme very much? It's a nice piece though

--
Retards, we all know one.
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